Are You In A Manipulative Relationship?

askmen.com

Having influence over another individual in a relationship isn’t always a bad thing. For example, a woman can have a positive effect on her partner in the areas of health, hygiene and overall appearance. She may influence her partner to make smarter nutritional choices, incorporate skincare products into his morning routine and buy clothing that accentuates his build and stature. 

Continue reading

Advertisements

Your Mom’s Top 5 Relationship Mistakes: Don’t Make Them

From YourTango.com By GalTime .com

Your Mom's Top 5 Relationship Mistakes: Don't Make Them

Unless your parents had a storybook romance, you might have inherited a few relationship no-nos…

By Dating Diva Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D. for GalTime.com

With Mother’s Day around the corner, you’ve probably got mom on your mind. Sure, you’ve got a million things to thank her for.

But chances are– unless your mom and dad had a storybook romance, you also inherited a few not so lucky relationship habits from being your mother’s daughter. In fact, watching your parent’s relationship is the biggest way you learned how to relate to men, so it’s not surprising that you may have picked up some patterns that remind you of your mother.

The good news is– you don’t have to make the same man mistakes as mom. You can choose to learn from her instead. Below are the top five relationship habits you may have learned from your mother and tips for charting a new, healthy, happy course for love.

Mom Mistake #1: Staying Too Long in a Painful Relationship

Many mothers stay in hurtful marriages "for the children." If you watched your mom play this role, you may have learned that you too, should suffer, for the sake of love. Now, you may have a hard time leaving relationships that just aren’t right for you because you don’t want to hurt anyone.

To bust out of this rut, you’ll need to examine your definition of commitment. Commitment only works when it’s healthy for both partners involved. Once harm is being created in a relationship, you owe it to you both to move on and create a loving, harmonious environment to thrive in.

Mom Mistake #2: Denying Your Needs

You may have watched your mom so busy pleasing everyone else that it didn’t even seem she had any needs of her own! If so, you might find it hard to allow yourself to have a need or ask for help.

To curb this pattern, practice tuning into what you need first and speak it out loud to your partner. He can’t honor your needs, if he doesn’t know what they are. Also, you don’t have to do everything by yourself. Notice when you wish you had some help and ask for it.

Mom Mistake #3: Warring with the Opposite Sex

If your mom and dad constantly fought, you may have learned to associate love with pain. Now, you almost don’t know what to do if things are smooth sailing with your partner, so you’ll create tension and conflict to stay in your comfort zone.

To break this habit, notice when you begin to nag, complain, or start an argument with your beau. Was it when things were actually beginning to feel too good? Or did you have a legitimate concern? Pause the conversation to see what you really think, feel, and need. Then restart it, with a calm "I statement" that avoids any blame of your partner.

Mom Mistake #4: Giving Up Your Self

Many moms mistakenly become role models for giving up your right to have a life! By always putting their spouse and kids ahead of their own happiness, they can teach you that you too have to give up who you and what you love to have a romantic relationship.

Ironically, you have the most to offer a relationship when you are fulfilled from within. So, even when you are in a relationship, be sure to take time out for your best friendships, your favorite hobbies, even alone time (a bath and a nap anyone?) that rejuvenates you.

Mom Mistake #5: Constant Self Criticism

Was your home filled with criticism? Maybe mom and dad berated each other, put you down, or were hard on themselves. If nothing was ever good enough for your mother, you might find you are just as hard on yourself as your mother ever was.

To move on, you’ll need to begin offering yourself the kind of mothering nurturance you wish your mom had given you. Notice how you think about yourself and agree to never say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t utter to your best friend.
By thanking your mother for all that she gave you that was good, and working on shifting anything you picked up that wasn’t healthy, you can honor your relationship with your mother and ensure that her mistakes turn into wisdom well learned.

What did your mom teach you about relationships (good or bad?)

Check out the original article here

13 Kinds Of Sex Every Couple Needs to Have ! ! ! !

What sexual frontiers have you and your partner yet to explore?Every couple needs to change up their sexual routine every now and again so it doesn’t become just that—a routine. Sexual experimentation is key for keeping a long-term relationship fresh, fun and fulfilling. Opening up about your desires can also bring you and your partner closer together. “Experimenting with each other requires a willingness to be vulnerable, which improves intimacy,” says Mort Fertel, Baltimore marriage counselor and creator of the Marriage Fitness Program.

What types of sex might you and your partner be missing out on? Check out the suggestions below to learn what every couple should try.

Holiday Sex

If there’s a three-day weekend associated with any holiday, you better believe that couples are getting busy between the sheets. Valentine’s Day, Memorial Day, Fourth of July and especially New Year’s Eve see a spike in sexual activity and conception in the United States, according to biorhythm researchers. No wonder. Who doesn’t want to start the New Year off right?

Make-Up Sex

A passionate argument can lead to some just-as-passionate action between the sheets. Fighting causes dopamine and adrenaline levels to rise, making you and your partner excitable in more ways than one. Every couple faces occasional conflict, and sex after a disagreement can be a great way to get your relationship back on track. “When you’re upset with each other, you need to be able to get over it and move on,” says Fertel. “Sex changes the momentum after an argument.”

Vacation Sex

The two of you may be tucked away in a private room, but the deed can still feel thrillingly public. And those crisp, clean sheets are just begging to be rumpled. Best of all, a vacation can be a great opportunity to re-connect with your partner sexually. “One of the benefits of a vacation should be to renew your sexual intimacy,” Fertel says. If you usually plan every minute of a trip, make sure you schedule time for sex. For example, plan to stay at the hotel until mid-morning or to come right back to your room after dinner for a relaxing night together.

Animalistic Sex

A sense of urgency can turn up the heat in a major way. Being aggressive can be fun and unexpected—romance with a twist. After all, it’s an element of mystery that defines romance. “It’s when you don’t quite know what to expect,” Fertel says. So if you’re in the mood, ripping each other’s clothes off and skimping on foreplay could be an exciting change of pace.

Comfort Sex

Like meatloaf and mashed potatoes, sometimes you just need something that’s simple, familiar and satisfying. It’s one way to provide love and support when you or your partner has had a rough day or is feeling down. This is when it might be time to use your favorite stand-by position, one that you and your partner always enjoy. “When it comes to the climax, sometimes it needs to be in a certain way, and that’s OK,” says Fertel.

Hope-We-Don’t-Get-Caught Sex

If you’re at a boring party or family gathering, add a little spice to the evening by sneaking away to the spare bedroom. The possibility of getting caught adds a new level of excitement to your sex life and can even give you a reason to look forward to spending the holidays with the in-laws

Fulfill-Your-Fantasy Sex

 Fulfill-Your-Fantasy Sex

Everyone has sexual fantasies, and as long as both you and your partner feel comfortable acting them out, there’s no reason you shouldn’t try them. “We should be pursuing each other’s fantasies, assuming they’re appropriate,” says Fertel. For example, if your partner has always dreamed of doing the deed on a boat, why not rent one and spend a romantic night at sea? All aboard!

Quickie Sex

Quickie Sex

If you’re pressed for time, don’t write off sex just yet—this is when “the quickie” comes in handy. Just make sure it’s something both parties want; an unfulfilling experience for either one of you can foster resentment and, over time, weaken the relationship. When someone says yes to sex when she really means no, “she’s not doing him a favor; she’s making a mistake,” Fertel says. “It will turn her off to him sexually long-term.”

Romantic, Sensual Sex

Romantic, Sensual Sex

Taking the time to savor sex without rushing through it can be luxurious and fulfilling on many levels. Connecting with your partner by taking it slow means you get to enjoy every moment of being together and lets you take advantage of the emotional connection that makes sex better. Whether it takes candles, music or some bubbly, building the mood can provide a major boost between the sheets.

All-Over-the-House Sex

 All-Over-the-House Sex

Switching up your lovemaking location can be a great way to inject some spontaneity into a relationship, which in turn can make your partner feel even more desirable. “Spontaneity is beautiful. It’s fun and exciting,” says Fertel. “Too often people get into a routine where they have sex at the same time, at the same place.” If you and your partner are doing the laundry together, for example, pulling him or her close for a quick rendezvous can be surprising and refreshing. It’s good, clean fun—no detergent required!

Outdoor Sex

Outdoor Sex

You tell your kids to go play outside — now it’s time to practice what you preach! Bringing your sexual escapades outside can be fun and invigorating. If you’re camping in a tent or live on a large piece of property, those can be great opportunities to try something new. But to avoid legal problems, it’s best to keep your shenanigans private. “The caution is to make sure you’re somewhere where you could not be in the public eye,” Fertel says. So venture outside to learn more about the birds and the bees.

Position of the Week Sex

 Position of the Week Sex

Trying out a new position offers the chance to learn more about what brings your partner pleasure. Some positions work better than others for helping a woman orgasm, and experimenting with new ones can give you a better feel for what works —and what doesn’t. Mixing it up keeps sex fresh and prevents it from becoming routine, Fertel says. That makes it more likely you and your partner will keep doing it—literally.

Marathon Sex

Marathon Sex

Come rain, snow, sleet or hail, when the weather gets frightful this winter there’s no better excuse to spend an entire day in bed. Think of it as Bedroom Olympics. Work together for a common goal, like breaking your record for how many times you can do the horizontal tango in a row. When your sexual energy is finally tapped out, you’ll both be exhausted and satisfied.

So you think we might have missed one or two. . .Let us know, we are always looking for new things to try in the afternoon . . .

Info Provided by AOL Health.

7 Things We Wish Men Knew About Our Bodies

 

7 Things We Wish Men Knew About Our Bodies

February 28th, 2012 – By jaustin on madamenoire.com

"Beautiful black woman"

johngloverspeaks.com

After enough men and enough mishaps, you realize that there are some things men just didn’t get the memo on when it comes to the woman’s body. Like these:

"T-shirt with handprints on boobs"

zazzle.com

Boobs bruise

Sometime after high school, all guys learned—no more hickies! But, that doesn’t mean bruises are a thing of the past. Ever woken up the next morning with black and blue finger prints on your chest? Some men get a little too excited and in the heat of passion, don’t realize that they’re grabbing your breasts as if they’re planning on stealing them. And while it’s nice we get them that excited, it’s not nice wearing turtlenecks for the next week

"Couple in bed"

necolebitchie.com

We need foreplay

For men, foreplay is a privilege. It’s like whipped cream on top of an already incredible sundae. For women, it’s essential. Without enough foreplay, sex can actually be painful for a woman and even cause small tears in the vagina.

"Couple cuddling in bed"

burtsystems.com

Post-coital cuddling

Did you know that when you orgasm, a chemical is released in your body that instantly makes you feel more trusting of the person who gave you that orgasm? That’s why it is particularly hurtful when a guy just rolls away and makes a sandwich immediately after sex. We feel chemically more vulnerable than ever.

"Slow Down Sign"

cpsu.org.au

Harder never means faster

Ever had a man move like a jack hammer while you’re having sex? It does nothing for a woman. But sometimes, when we say “harder” they hear “faster” and then, as our head is repeatedly hitting the headboard, we regret saying anything at all.

"Woman pulling her hair"

naani.com

We don’t all PMS

The worst thing that ever happened in the world of menstruation is that men got wind of PMS. Now, if you show any emotion other than complete apathy while on your period, your boyfriend says, “Uh oh, you’re PMS’ing!” And you feel like any of your emotions during menstruation are written off as just that. But guess what? Not all women experience symptoms of PMS! Most women who do, know it. So if a woman is saying, “I really am not PMS’ing! I’m actually pissed!” she is probably telling the truth.

"Woman eating a burger"

allaboutyou.com

No sex on a full stomach

We know—you think there is nothing sexier than a woman willing to get down on a double chili cheeseburger and onion rings at dinner. But, women don’t want to have sex on a full stomach! Not only do we have a visibly bloated stomach, we can also just become nauseated and feel far too heavy to move around. If we want a salad, men should just let us get a salad. They will be grateful for it in the

"Women drinking"

marvelous-girl.com

2+ drinks=0 orgasms

A woman’s ability to orgasm drops drastically with every cocktail. So, whether a guy is trying to liquor you up for a one-night stand, or your long time boyfriend is trying to loosen you up after a sexual dry spell, that’s not the way to go!

bedroom.

Top 10 Signs He’s Into You

Top 10 Signs He's Into You

He Leans In

If a guy is interested, you’ll find that his body will lean forward toward yours. This move can be either very subtle or extremely "in your face" (literally!). It’s his way of letting you know he’d like to get closer. Once his interest is piqued, you’ll both find it hard to pull away!

 

His Eyes Have It

We’ve all heard the proverb, "The eyes are the window to the soul." If he’s interested in you, he’ll focus on you with those piercing peepers. Return his romantic gaze with a quiet smile and let him know you’re interested.

 

He’s Got the Touch

If a guy is interested, he’ll want to be near you. He’ll also want to take every opportunity to touch you. Maybe it’s your arm, your leg, your knee — it doesn’t matter, as long as his presence is physical and affectionate. It’s his way of letting you know he likes you.

 

He Just Happened to Run Into You

Coincidence is out. Serendipity is in. Those so-called "happy accidents" may not be so accidental after all. Perhaps his "surprise" appearance at your favorite Starbucks or hangout is a signal that he’s trying to connect with you (but doesn’t want you to think he’s a stalker!). Take this as a positive sign and make the most of your next encounter. You may find that you share more in common than just an addiction to double lattes.

 

He Listens!

How do you know that you have a guy’s attention? When he’s not talking about himself. It’s that simple. The next time you’re in a bar, listen closely to any table full of men and you’ll hear them speaking rapturously about their favorite subject: themselves. When a man shuts up and really listens to what you have to say, you know it must be love (or at least a strong attraction). He’ll put that male ADD to rest once and for all after he’s found the one.

 

He’ll Watch a Chick Flick

Chances are he’d much rather be watching the big game, but it’s an important sign if he shows an interest in the things you like as well. If he’s happy to watch a movie you picked out or doesn’t complain when it’s time to hit the mall for a little shopping trip, you’ve made a serious leap forward in the dating game! Give him extra points if he makes the popcorn.

 

He Laughs at Your Jokes

Can’t tell a joke to save your life? Does he laugh at it anyway? Men are very in touch with their sense of humor (women often complain that men never take anything seriously, right?), so if he’s sending some hearty laughter your way, it’s a good bet he’s looking at you as relationship material.

 

He’s Nervous

If a guy’s into you, you’ll make him nervous. He’ll get goose bumps or a rapidly beating heart just from being around you. Look for signs like unexplained laughter, sweaty palms and fidgeting. Guys always want to be in control of their emotions — we like to be in charge. If he has trouble doing that around you, it’s most likely because you make him nervous and excited. Don’t take it for granted; help him to relax and he’ll thank you by being a great guy you can depend on.

 

He Opens Up

Men and women have very different brain chemistries: She’s verbal; he’s not. He’s driven by visual desires, while she’s guided by deep emotions. Women are taught to rationally express their feelings and feel no shame in crying, and men punch things. So if you get a guy to actually open up and express his emotions, consider it a major achievement in your relationship. Discussing your feelings for each other is a powerful bonding experience for the two of you and serves to strengthen a relationship for whatever challenges the future may bring.

 

He Keeps You Close

Romance is all about reciprocity — both emotional and physical. Translation: meet his advances with your own. If he sits close to you, maintain that proximity. If he grabs your hand, initiate handholding later. This not only signals your own interest, but also serves to keep his.

 

Read More http://www.ivillage.com/top-10-signs-hes-you/4-b-382722#ixzz1nie0Nw3M

Contemplating a Threesome? 10 Dos and Don’ts to Consider

 

From ivillage.com By SARA STARKMAN

threesome

Threesomes are a tricky subject. They can be a very different experience depending on the relationship between the three people involved. If you’re toying with the idea, here are some general dos and don’ts to keep in mind.

DO Find a girlfriend with a similar openness and who you’re comfortable with.
Threesomes, although much less taboo these days, are still a pretty wild experience. For most women, getting naked and being physical with a man is intimidating enough, no less another woman. With this in mind, it is important to share the experience with someone you’re close with. You’ve most likely been naked with this person before, discussed intimate details of one another’s sex lives, and would be able to be completely uninhibited together. As author, sexual educator and nurse Nina Hartley explains, "Your first attempt may be awkward, as first attempts often are…Prepare to be surprised and to learn things about yourself and your friend that you didn’t know before."

DON’T Participate in a threesome with a girl who’s a stranger.
Partaking in a threesome with a girl you don’t know will make the experience difficult for a couple of reasons. Primarily, you may feel as if you’re competing for the man’s attention. Some may find it easier to be intimate with a woman they’re close with rather than someone they barely know. Nina Hartley reinforces this point by explaining that, "Threesomes only work if the feelings between the two women are genuinely warm, accepting and supportive."

DO Choose a man you don’t know well or may never see again.
Although there’s no shame in having a threesome, if it’s your first time (or even if it isn’t) you’re less than likely to experience the choreographed threesome scene in Wild Things. Any emotional attachment to a man may cause discomfort when having to share him in bed. Plus, it will be much more fun to discuss this later with your girlfriend, when you can omit any details that should be left to the confines of that bedroom.

DON’T Have a threesome with your boyfriend or husband (or someone else’s boyfriend or husband).
There are so many reasons why this is a potential disaster. Sharing your significant other with a friend is like watching your worst nightmare come alive. You’re allowing your girlfriend to be intimate with your other half. Although you may initially feel OK with this, nothing will prepare you for that visual.

Cosmopolitan‘s relationship expert explains that "threesomes are an emotional minefield that even the most self-assured couples struggle to navigate…Watching your lover writhing naked with someone else is bound to hurt." The same goes for participating in a threesome as the third-party. Entering into a bed that is already so intimate for two people can be a difficult role to take on. This could also make future dinner parties and get-togethers extremely uncomfortable for years to come.

DO Allow things to happen naturally.
Threesomes are ultimately an altered expression of love-making (times three). Although it is not generally touted as such, it is three different pairs of people breaking social sexual norms, and illustrating passion, intimacy and sexual experimentation in its rawest form. That being said, "All three of you have your own rules and limits so understanding and respecting one another’s comfort level should be a top priority," said a recent article on askmen.com.

DON’T Make a list of things you can and cannot do in bed.
Threesomes should be wild, weird, and wonderful. If you feel the need to regulate every move and interaction, you may have to stop and wonder if you’re ready to engage in this kind of sexual activity.

DO Get a little tipsy.
In no way am I promoting excessive alcohol consumption, but I am saying that a glass or two of wine to lighten the mood, loosen inhibitions, and let your hair down, can be helpful. As long as the wine (or whatever your drink) is to help calm your nerves, and not the catalyst behind the threesome; there is no harm in procuring a slight buzz.

DON’T Get drunk as a skunk.
If you feel the need to get completely wasted prior to your threesome, or if it’s the reason you suddenly think that a threesome is a good idea- it’s not. Your decision should be made completely sober, and you don’t want to engage in such a sensual and unique experience while simultaneously wondering why the room is spinning.

DO Be considerate of all parties.
Just because you’re engaging in a "naughty" act doesn’t mean that all good-girl habits go straight out the door. Especially if you’re following the previous dos and don’ts, you never want to alienate your friend (if, for example, you seem to connect more with your male participant). Everyone should take turns, or engage in activities, simultaneously.

DON’T Forget you’re partaking in a threesome.
It’s easy for you and your friend to take turns with the man in your bed but, that’s not really a threesome. You should be exploring all participants making sure you take time to experience everyone so as not to spoil your "man of choice." This way, he has time to gauge his next move, and you two have time to keep him lusting for more.

10 Signs He’s in Love

 

AskMen.com ON Mar 18, 2011

You’ve dated your fair share of women and have always enjoyed keeping your options open, but lately there’s this one woman that has you wondering if she’s "the one." In order to help you figure this out, I have compiled the following list of the top 10 ways to know you’re in love.

Watch video: Find Out if He Will Marry You

10. You’ve forgotten your ex

More often than not, a breakup is followed by a significant amount of time spent thinking about your ex and wondering whether or not you made the right decision in going your separate ways. Depending on how long the two of you were together, these doubts can resurface again and again.

Ever since you met this new one, however, the thought of getting back together with your ex is the furthest thing from your mind. Come to think of it, you barely recall what you found so great about her in the first place.

9. You can’t stop thinking about her

Instead, you are consumed by thoughts of her. She just pops into your head for no apparent reason, and you wonder if she thinks of you half as much as you think of her. You wonder what she’s up to and even consider calling her (but refrain from doing so for fear of looking overeager).

But it gets worse. You’re out with your friends and you see something in a shop window and think about how much she would like that particular item, or you notice a poster for a show that she would love, but normally wouldn’t even have looked twice at it.

If she’s the last thing on your mind before you go to sleep and the first thing on your mind when you wake up — and you’ve even dreamed of her on a couple of occasions — then you don’t really even need to read on to know if you’re in love (but should anyway, just to be sure).

8. You care about her

There is a reason why you don’t really want to know too much about the chick you had a one-night stand with: You don’t love her. When you’re in love with a woman, you want to know all about her: who she is, what she thinks, what makes her laugh. You truly care about her and her feelings.

If you truly love a woman, you feel bad if she had a bad day or is upset about something. You don’t try to cheer her up because you have to, but because you can’t help it.

7. You find her quirks charming

The fact that she carries her passport with her everywhere she goes — just in case — and that, when she’s eating, she can’t help but construct every forkful so that it’s the perfect blend of ingredients fills you with an inexplicable feeling of happiness.

She does and says things that make her different, and you like it. You can’t quite put your finger on why, but it doesn’t even matter. You like her just the way she is.

6. You have great chemistry

You can’t be in love with someone that you have no chemistry with. If you seem to always be on the same wavelength, and think in similar ways, that’s a great sign. If you also generate enough heat to set off a five-alarm fire bell, then she is probably someone that you could fall in love with, if you aren’t there already.

5. You don’t notice other women as much

Did you see that gorgeous blonde that just walked by? What do you mean, "no"?!?

Although you can’t help noticing a beautiful woman when one walks by, when you’re in love, some of them tend to slip under the radar, while others just pale in comparison to her. Furthermore, you don’t seem to be flirting half as much as you used to.

You are slowly realizing that she’s often the only woman in the room that matters, and for some reason that suits you just fine.

4. You love spending time with her

This one is pretty obvious but important nonetheless. You look forward to seeing her, and don’t care much about what the two of you will be doing. Lately, just going for a walk with her sounds like the best way you could possibly spend an evening.

Furthermore, when you’re not together, you miss her and wish you were spending time together

3. You don’t mind compromising sometimes

There was a time when it was your way or the highway, but with her it’s different. Not that she asks you to, but you don’t mind missing a night out with the guys to be with her. And you find yourself trying to incorporate her into your plans or altering them to accommodate her.

You also find yourself not putting up a fight when she wants to go to Shakespeare in the Park. Although your friends find this very amusing, you know that deep down, they wish that they had found a love like yours.

2. Other priorities take a back seat

You used to train religiously, but lately, if she’s free for dinner, you don’t mind missing a workout. Not only that, but your workaholic tendency of bringing home your work on weekends to get ahead seems a bit excessive to you as of late.

Your ever-important "to do" list seems quite stagnant these days, as being with her always manages to render your other plans and obligations obsolete. What was it that you absolutely had to do by four o’clock again?

1. You start thinking about the future and she’s in it

It used to be that the future with a woman meant your date on Saturday night, but with this woman, the future seems infinite. Not only do you plan to see her this weekend, but you want to see her a year from now as well.

When planning your next vacation, you know you want to spend it with her, and not a random beach bunny you happen to meet while you’re there. And when you get an invitation to a wedding that takes place three months from now, you ask her to be your date without thinking that it’s too far away to tell if you’ll still be together.

She’s the one

If you are currently dating a woman that makes you act in any of the ways mentioned above, then you, my friend, are seriously falling for her. It’s time to put away the little black book for a while and enjoy the ride.

Read More http://www.ivillage.com/10-signs-hes-love/6-a-127089?p=3#ixzz1nibwuqBo