It’s no surprise that strong sexual communication skills can lead to a more satisfying time in the sack. But which words you choose may have more of an impact than you think, according to a new study in the Journal of Sex Research.
Choose your words wisely. She’s judging you.
Researchers asked 293 married people to fill out questionnaires about their sex lives, how often they talked about sex with their partner, and how satisfied they were with their marriage. People then looked at a list of 44 sex terms—split into clinical terms like “labia,” erotic words like “climax,” slang like “give head,” and dirty stuff like “pussy”—and rated how frequently they used them when talking about sex.
Surprisingly, the more couples used sex slang, the more satisfied they felt with their relationship and sexual communication.
If your pillow talk has been a bit vanilla lately, we’ll teach you how to take it to
the next level. But beware: There are certain dirty words you should never say to a naked woman.
The slang: Ass
Too intense? Say this: Backside or butt. Honestly, “ass” shouldn’t offend many women, but if it seems a bit too hardcore for the moment, opt for one of these tamer alternatives.
Not that: Derriere, fanny, or tooshie. Note to men everywhere: Unless you’re talking about your 3-month-old daughter, avoid those words at all costs when you’re describing a woman’s assets.
The slang: Balls
Too intense? Say this: Balls. Seriously, man up. If you’re old enough for a woman to see your goods, you’re old enough to call ‘em what they are.
Not that: Testicles. What are you, a doctor? For everyone’s sake, steer clear of clinical terms when you’re getting it on. (On the flip side, here are 10 Sexy Things to Say to Her Every Time.)
The slang: Eat out
Too intense? Say this: I want to taste you. Research has shown that women who are more comfortable with their genitals are more game for oral sex—and they orgasm more, says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., sex researcher at Indiana University and author of Sex Made Easy. So if you frame the act in a positive light that shows her you enjoy it, she’s more likely to let her guard down.
Not that: Cunnilingus. Rule of thumb: If you can’t spell the word off the top of your head, it won’t sound sexy in bed.
The slang: F*ck
Too intense? Say this: I want to bury myself inside you. Your favorite four-letter word can work if the mood is right, but if you’re not on the same page, asking her to “f*ck” out of the blue may come off as cheap and emotionless.
Not that: Smush. Even the cast of Jersey Shore couldn’t get that term to stick, so don’t even attempt it.
The slang: Tits
Too intense? Say this: Breasts. If “tits” is a little too porno for your style, “breasts” is a more tasteful term to incorporate into your foreplay.
Not that: Hooters, knockers, funbags, jugs, cans, or the twins. Call them whatever you want around your guy friends. But if you compliment her giant “jugs” when she first whips ‘em out . . . prepare to get slapped. (Meanwhile, discover The Best Ways to Touch Her Breasts.)
The slang: Dick
Too intense? Say this: Penis. In the new study, “penis” was the seventh most popular word out of 44 terms, so you’re in good company.
Not that: Magic stick. Even if you’re 50 Cent, no woman would ever take you seriously if you asked her to roll a condom down your “Magic Stick.” Keep it classy, man. (That’s not the only bone we have to pick with ‘Fiddy. Check out Science vs. 50 Cent: On Masturbation.)
The slang: Pussy
Too intense? Say this: Vagina. As with “penis,” calling it by its proper name is still plenty sexy. When it came to popularity, “vagina” ranked 17th out of 44 in the Journal of Sex Research study.
Not that: Box, hole, twat, the C-word . . . this list is endless. All it takes is the wrong dirty word to jeopardize your shot at future sex sessions, so stick with “vagina” if she prefers you to be PC, or “pussy” if she’s feeling freaky and you know she’s cool with it. Anything else, and you’re walking on thin ice.
The slang: Cum
Too intense? Say this: Bust or get off. Whispering in her ear that you’d like to “ejaculate inside her” may not sound as hot on the receiving end. These two are neutral enough to relay the message.
Not that: Skeet, splooge, and spurt. Rule of thumb: If you’ve hit puberty, this trio should be long gone from your vocabulary.