I had the pleasure of being a guest on the R & B Podcast hosted by Lincoln Anthony Blades of the popular This Is Your Conscience blog. We had a really interesting laid back conversation (as always) chopping it up about everything from event planning to my thoughts on threesomes (your cue to check it out). In the midst of our spirited conversation we touched on the topic of low-key relationships. The podcast was recorded on Saturday and the topic reverberated in my head for the entire weekend. This was after an exciting whirlwind of cocktails, fresh fruits and other distractions.
I learned during our dialogue that keeping relationships low-key is typically a male preference. Low key for the purpose of our discussion today is simply a preference for intimate encounters with minimal to no social media attention operating on a need to know basis. Down low refers to this classic R Kelly Isley Brothers track.
At this stage in my life and for a good portion of my dating life I’ve always preferred the Beyonce and Jay-Z approach, dropping little hints here and there, teasing, but never really getting into the raw dog details of my romantic relationships at any one time. They really had the media twitching for a good minute didn’t they?!
I have stories, every day I work hard to create them believe me, but I respect any one I chose to date and carefully select what to share and what to keep under wraps.
9 times out of ten women are uncomfortable with low-key relationship because they feel as though a man is trying to hide them from the world. The fear is that they may end up in that side chick role, heading for a “just bag the face” demotion. I understand the concern and admittedly I’ve been in relationships that were not really relationships because of this factor *sigh* however this assumption is usually far-fetched especially if the man has not said, “I’m not looking for a relationship” or, “we just chillin”.
My reason for wanting a low-key relationship is so that he and I can build a foundation based upon respect and intimacy on our own terms before we ever publicly announce the relationship. The minute a relationship goes “viral” is the minute the strength of it will be tested and generally speaking men seem to understand this more than women *kanye shrugs*
Get your weight up before the Facebook relationship status change, before the parental introductions, before talks of the titles and rings. Who are we? What do we stand for? What will we NOT stand for? Do we respect each other?
It’s up to us (yes that includes you!) to take initiative at maintaining intimacy and therefore a balanced level of privacy in our love lives. Especially in world where people are murdered and abused over Facebook beef- Really though?! That’s enough of my two cents, what is your take on low-key relationships? Are you more comfortable with the red carpet approach or would you rather keep the good news to yourself?
P.S It’s also important to understand the difference between low key and down low. Skipping out of town and hiding from your partner’s spouse or significant other in crusty motels in seedy parts of town is not low key it means you’re on the side-If that’s what tickles your fancy by all means happy hiding.