By Shirea L. Carroll on Mar 26th 2011 6:00AM
Who was the idiot who said, "If you really love someone, you never let them go, no matter how hard it is?" What?!? What’s sad is this statement is not only untrue but, to many people, operate as if it’s law. Granted, everyone makes a mistake or two in relationships, but successful relationships are structured for learning from the mistakes, not continually making them.
When you really love someone and it gets to be more than you can bear, sometimes you have to let it go, so you don’t begin to lose love for self. Nothing is worse than loving someone to the point where you begin to deal and accept things you never thought you would, or the things you don’t really want to.
Yes, there’s something to be said about two people working through problems in a relationship. However, you have to be keen to when the relationship, in general, is the problem and/or you’re the only one trying to work it out. Here are 8 signs that it is probably the best time to break it off and exit stage left.
1. You told a lie, or a secret is kept that puts you at risk.
Did she not tell you about that time in college when she contracted HIV, and now your health is faltering? Did he not tell you that he makes his extra money hustling drugs, and you both go to jail when the cops pull you over? Any lie or secret that puts your health or well being in harm’s way is enough to send someone packing.
2. Everyone says they are no good for you.
Every person in your life, including your dog, doesn’t like them. Your family has disowned you, your friends have shunned you, all after getting to know them and having valid reasons, and you may be letting love blind you.
Everyone isn’t going to always like your choices, but anyone who loves you should respect them. These are the same people in your life who have known you long enough to know the good and bad, and have an idea when something may not be the best for you.
3. Your only focus in life has become your terrible relationship.
If people ask how you’re doing and your first response is, "I can’t stand my girl," then you’re not in a good place. When a bad relationship consumes your thoughts to the point you realize it’s really all you think about, and you aren’t really productive elsewhere in life, you need to consider ending the relationship.
You have one life to live, and if you can’t cultivate your dreams and goals because you’re trying to maintain a relationship that does nothing but destroy them, it’s time to move on.
4. Other relationships make you angry.
You just found out your best friend is getting married, and the first thing you do is tell them it isn’t going to work. Being part of an unhappy relationship usually makes it hard for you to be happy for others in love.
If you find yourself giving friends bad advice, teaching young people to be jaded by love or always feeling anger/resentment when you see healthy relationships, you may want to end what you have going on.
5. Communication is nonexistent.
Do you think the best times with your partner are when you don’t talk at all? Have all types of communication, including sex, ceased in the relationship? If two people can function in the relationship without even speaking or acknowledging each other in any way, you may want to talk about breaking it off.
6. Fights begin to hit below the belt.
We all know it’s not uncommon for couples to fight. However, if those fights become increasingly more frequent or your partner begins to always say things that do irreversible damage, it may be time to throw in the gloves. People who love each other don’t hit below the belt and say things like, "You would never make a good mother; that’s why you can’t have kids" or "You can be such a b**** a** negro sometimes." Whoa, strike out.
7. You’re involved with a repeat offender.
Everyone cheats and everyone lies, and most times relationships can reconcile after one incident. However, when you make it a part of who you are and consistently behave so that you become a full-blown cheater and a liar, there is no room for these types in relationship.
They make it their job to remember their lying ways, keep lying so they don’t get caught and disregard how the lies will affect you. In the long run, you are better living your life without them.
8. The only reason you’re still together is because of time.
It’s so sad when you ask someone why they are still involved in a toxic relationship, and the only excuse they give is all the time you have invested. If you’re always saying, "We’ve been together for 12 years," stop counting. If 10 years out of the 12 you were unhappy because she cheated on you eight times, or he doesn’t touch you anymore but to hit you, you may really want to consider other options. It’s better to think about all the more positive tomorrows you may have single than all the terrible yesterdays you had coupled up. Let it go.
So do you need to end your relationship? Tell us!
Shirea L. Carroll is a journalist who has written for Essence, VIBE, Washington Post’s TheRoot.com, XXL’s Juicy and AOL. Reporting on everything from music and entertainment to celebrity and love, she has interviewed some of today’s biggest celebrity names. Find the NJ native on her blog, Invite Only, or follow her on Twitter @InviteOnly to find out "who is and isn’t invited."