The Nice Guy Vs. The Pushover
By Shirea L. Carroll on Apr 6th 2011 4:00PM
Nice guys don’t always finish last, but pushovers do. There’s a big difference in what defines a nice man from one who lets a woman walk all over them. However, thanks to the amazing women who would rather date jerks and be caught up in relationship "excitement," aka drama, men are becoming desensitized to the notion that being a nice guy is even worth it.
Public service announcement: Nice guys are still "winning," and being a considerate kind man is still very much appreciated. However, the line between being a pushover and a nice guy is so thin that it’s hard to even notice when it’s crossed. So let us help you. For starters, a good rule of thumb to determine your status is by asking yourself: as much as I like/love this woman, am I putting her life before mine?
If the answer is yes – you’re a pushover and you need to fall back quickly.
Women will never be attracted to a spineless, passive man who lets a woman walk over all them, wavers on their decisions and opinions, and never takes charge. Pushovers are easy to spot, because usually outside the relationship they operate without a backbone and find it difficult to say "no." Despite a pushover’s best intentions to be "nice," in order to get women to respect them they must learn to hone and keep the nice gestures and discard all the boring and predictable gestures that allow a woman to get her way – every time.
Contrary to what most women think, some men are interested in successful relationships. Those men have a tendency to be "nice," but not suckers. They understand the importance of balance, considering relationships are give and take, and know that making sure their woman is happy is of ultimate importance but not at the cost of their own happiness.
Here are eight ways to help differentiate the pushover from the all-around nice guy.
1. NICE GUYS: Aren’t afraid to say, "no" when needed.
PUSHOVERS: Are afraid to make a woman upset in any way, even if means not standing up for themselves.
2. NICE GUYS: Compliment a woman. "Your hair looks great."
PUSHOVERS: Obsess over a woman. "What type of shampoo do you use, so I can buy it smell you when you aren’t around?"
3. NICE GUYS: Will respectfully let a woman know when she is wrong.
PUSHOVERS: Will avoid even the most minor confrontations, apologize, and take all the blame even when it’s the woman who is at fault.
4. NICE GUYS: Are told by women, "I really appreciate the way you treat me."
PUSHOVERS: Are told by women, "I really would appreciate you not being up under me all the time."
5. NICE GUYS: Expect to be treated they way they treat a woman.
PUSHOVERS: Accept being treated any kind of way as long as he’s with the woman.
6. NICE GUYS: Are persistent and resilient when pursuing a female.
PUSHOVERS: Are passive and annoying and do more chasing than pursuing.
7. NICE GUYS: Are told they are "SO nice."
PUSHOVERS: Are told they are, "WAY TOO nice."
8. NICE GUYS: Often get the girl and finish first.
PUSHOVERS: Often get dumped and knocked out of the race.
Shirea L. Carroll is a journalist who has written for Essence, VIBE, Washington Post’s TheRoot.com, XXL’s Juicy, and AOL. Reporting on everything from music and entertainment to celebrity and love, she has interviewed some of today’s biggest celebrity names. Find the NJ native on her blog Invite Only, or follow her on Twitter @InviteOnly to find out "who is and isn’t invited."