10 Reasons Why Women Cheat
It’s no secret that women cheat too, but the reasons why the fairer sex may creep are vastly different from her male counterpart. In a recent infidelity study by Coffee and Company, a British marriage bureau, found that of the 3,000 participants, nearly 20 percent of women confessed to cheating.
Keep reading for a few reasons why …
They Seek Revenge
“Men are not emotional so they usually can’t feel the same pain unless it is done back to them,” says Bonnie Weil, Ph.D. of DoctorBonnie.com, author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin. “Women feel cheating is a way to even the score.” That probably won’t help to heal the relationship. But once a man cheats, it’s a whole different ballgame, according to Alisa Bowman, author of Project: Happily Ever After: Saving Your Marriage When the Fairytale Falters: “It feels as if the rules a woman has been following are no longer relevant or valid.”
For the Thrill of It
“An affair is a stress-busting, thrill-seeking, self-medicating high,” says Weil. And, while a woman may cheat to see if she can get away with it, she often doesn’t really want to get caught, says Bowman: “She just wants the bird in her hand and the one in the bush — and she’s deluded into thinking that she really can have both.” But this reason is perhaps less common than others, says infidelity expert Ruth Houston, founder of InfidelityAdvice.com. “[A woman] will usually try to let her husband know that there is a problem first,” she explains. “If he fails to address them, ignores her, or takes her complaint lightly, she may then cheat because feels she has no other choice.”
For the Ego Boost
“When women cheat with other men, the other men usually compliment them and make them feel sexy in ways their current partner isn’t doing,” says Meyers. “Cheating often occurs in relationships where she isn’t feeling connected emotionally to her current partner.” So husbands beware if your wives feel unloved, underappreciated or even ignored. Houston says, “If a wife feels neglected or taken for granted by her husband, she becomes very vulnerable and can very easily succumb to having an affair, emotional or physical — with a man who makes her feel special, desired.” When the relationship is strained, with both partners “bruising one another’s egos left and right and criticism flying,” that can also open the door to double-timing, says Bowman.
To Find a Love Connection
Are you lovers or roommates? Over time, it can be tough to tell — and you long for the early stages of love. “That’s when you have this wonderful sense of being chosen,” says Bowman. “Long-term relationships are much different. Those lovely chemicals that had flooded your brain when you first met have now faded.” That downward slide isn’t inevitable, though, if you put the work in, says Weil. “Couples must rekindle the romance magic on a daily and weekly basis,” she says. “It is important to keep recreating the same chemicals as when they first fell in love, by using attachment skills, like the 30-second kiss and the 20-second hug, which raise the endorphin levels.” And here’s a surprise: A fight-free marriage isn’t always a stronger marriage. “Conflict creates passion. A polite marriage is higher in adultery than a marriage with arguments,” Weil says.
They Want to Get Caught
“Most women cheat as an escape hatch,” says Weil. And this is especially true of married mothers. “If the woman has children, she has a hard time leaving the husband without the feeling of guilt,” she says. But that subsides if she’s not the one who’s initiating the break-up. “The affair is a way to alleviate the feeling of stress and guilt, as the husband may leave her.” Houston calls it an “exit affair,” intended to terminate the marriage. “Men are much less tolerant than women when it comes to infidelity and are less likely to forgive a cheating wife,” she says. “A husband who has been cheated on is much more likely to end his marriage than to give his cheating wife a second chance.”
They’re Bored With Their Sex Life
Sex life? What sex life? Couples who’ve been together a long time often complain that their sex life has become staid or stale. (In iVillage’s 2010 married sex survey, 81 percent of wives said their sex lives had become predictable.) That may prompt some women to look elsewhere to satisfy their urges. “Sometimes women will cheat because they feel that there is no spontaneity in their relationship anymore,” says relationship expert Seth Meyers, Psy.D, Los Angeles Psychologist and author of Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription.. “Sexual boredom may be one manifestation of that.” A desire for more frequent or different types of sex may also lead to affairs among younger women. “Wives in their early 20s or younger may cheat for the same type of sexual reasons as men; they want more frequent sex, a different type of sex, or they are curious about what it would be like to have sex with a particular man or wonder what it would be like to have sex with someone other than their own husband.” Before stepping out, though, Bowman recommends trying to spice up your sex life with your partner. Try something new in the bedroom or get a little creative. “Really push your limits. A bikini wax and a strip tease worked wonders for my sex life.
They Feel Lonely
Remember when you couldn’t believe you’d found someone who also owned the same rare record, shared your affinity for foosball and with whom you could always trade entrées? “If a woman feels that she and her husband no longer have anything in common, she may find herself drawn into an emotional affair with someone who shares similar interests,” Houston says. “However, an emotional affair can quickly progress to the next level and become a sexual affair.” Many women cheat to fill a void. “Cheating alleviates the feelings of loneliness and emptiness. It is a bio-chemical craving for connection,” says Weil
They Want to Relive Their Past
“Sometimes going through one’s Little Black Book is an easy way to find a sex partner who will temporarily make them feel better,” says Meyers. But while ex-boyfriends may be familiar territory, they’re not necessarily repairmen. “This solution never, ever lasts,” she says. It’s often not really about that ex-boyfriend, but rather about who the woman was when she was with him. “Reverting to her youth makes her feel alive again,” says Weil. “It makes her feel younger, more carefree, sexier and more attractive.”
Because of a Near-Death Experience
“A near-death experience often causes women to rethink things,” says Meyers. “They look at their lives in greater depth, as they’ve been reminded of their own mortality.” It’s not only sudden accidents that qualify, but potentially deadly illnesses that progress over time, according to Bowman. “[Breast cancer, for example] can make women question every part of their lives; suddenly they are very aware of their own mortality,” she says. “To make matters worse, [they may feel] their spouses have let them down when they needed them most. Maybe he wasn’t supportive. Maybe he stopped initiating sex. Whatever it was, these women are wounded and they look outside of the marriage for an emotional Band-aid.” If they feel like their time is limited, they want to make the most of the time they have, she says, whether or not it’s with the man they married
For Attention or Adventure
“Women can feel taken for granted, working 30 hours at home — doing the cleaning, taking care of children … on top of their own full-time day job,” says Weil. “They need to feel valued and crave validation.” And they also seek a little excitement now and then. “A woman in a boring or mundane marriage is easy prey for the ‘bad boy’ type,” says Houston. ”If you look at the top reasons why women cheat, most of them are situations that could easily be remedied by a loving, caring, attentive, and cooperative husband. A happily married woman, who has a good relationship with her husband, will not cheat.”
Do you agree with these reasons?
Have you ever cheated?
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